Surprising Lessons Open Relationships Can Teach You About Yourself

Emma Blake
Apr 6
7 min read

Imagine a relationship where love isn't a zero-sum game, where attraction to others doesn’t equal betrayal, and where emotional growth takes center stage. Sounds revolutionary, right? Open relationships challenge everything society tells us about love, but they also offer an unparalleled opportunity for self-discovery.

While most people view ethical non-monogamy (ENM) as a test of boundaries, it’s also a deep dive into the core of your being. How do you handle jealousy? Can you communicate your needs clearly? Do you truly know what you want in a partner—or yourself?

This isn’t just about sleeping with more than one person. It’s about learning who you are when you strip away societal expectations. Whether you embrace ENM or stick with monogamy, the lessons from open relationships can be life-changing. Let’s dive in.

Learning That Jealousy Isn’t the Enemy (You Are)

Jealousy has been marketed as the ultimate relationship villain. But in reality, jealousy is just an emotion—what you do with it is what matters. Open relationships force you to confront jealousy head-on. Instead of avoiding it, you analyze it, deconstruct it, and, ultimately, learn from it.

Ask yourself: Why am I feeling this way? Is it insecurity, fear of abandonment, or societal conditioning? Is it an unmet emotional need, or am I projecting my own past wounds onto my partner?
Shift your mindset: What if jealousy wasn’t about your partner doing something wrong, but about you needing reassurance or self-growth? What if it was an invitation to develop emotional resilience instead of control?
Use jealousy as a tool: Instead of seeing it as a sign to control or restrict, use it as an opportunity to communicate and understand your emotional triggers. Have an open discussion about your feelings rather than suppressing them.
Reframe comparison: Jealousy often stems from comparing yourself to your partner’s other connections. Instead of seeing it as competition, ask, "What can I learn from the way my partner loves others?"

As you work through these feelings, you realize that jealousy isn’t proof of love. It’s a mirror reflecting what you need to work on within yourself. The more you engage with it, the more you grow—not just in your relationships, but in your overall emotional well-being.

Mastering Radical Honesty (Because White Lies Won’t Cut It)

If monogamy runs on assumed exclusivity, open relationships thrive on brutal honesty. You learn quickly that sugarcoating the truth or hiding your feelings will blow up in your face, often in ways you never expected.

No room for assumptions: Instead of assuming what your partner thinks, you ask. And instead of expecting them to read your mind, you tell them—plain and simple. Guessing games don’t work in open relationships, and making assumptions about what your partner feels or wants only leads to misunderstandings and unmet expectations.
Communication becomes a superpower: You learn to express needs, boundaries, and insecurities with clarity. The days of bottling up emotions and hoping your partner just "gets it" are over. Radical honesty becomes second nature because you realize that withholding the truth only creates emotional distance.
Your self-awareness skyrockets: The more you communicate openly, the more you understand yourself—what you want, what you fear, and what makes you feel valued. You start noticing patterns in your behavior and triggers that you never paid attention to before.
Honesty reveals your true emotional needs: Being brutally honest means acknowledging when something isn’t working, even when it’s uncomfortable. Maybe you thought you could handle a certain relationship dynamic but realize later it makes you feel unseen. Open relationships force you to confront those realities and address them instead of pushing them aside.
Transparency becomes a form of intimacy: When you drop the fear of being judged and speak openly, it deepens your bond with your partner. You no longer just share the highlight reel—you share the vulnerable, messy, and complicated parts of yourself without fear of rejection.

Turns out, the scariest part about honesty isn’t what your partner might say—it’s facing truths about yourself that you’ve been avoiding. But once you do, you open the door to a level of personal growth and connection that you never knew was possible.

Understanding That Love and Possession Aren’t the Same

Society teaches us that love and ownership go hand in hand. “You’re mine” sounds romantic until you realize it’s actually just veiled control. The truth is, love is not about possessing another person—it’s about allowing them to exist fully while choosing to share their life with you.

Freedom over fear: Open relationships highlight the difference between love that flourishes in freedom and love that suffocates in possession. Love, when rooted in trust rather than fear, allows both partners to explore their desires without guilt or secrecy.
Love is not limited: Just because your partner loves someone else doesn’t mean they love you any less. This idea takes time to internalize, but when you do, it changes everything. Think of it like friendships—having more friends doesn’t mean you care about each one any less.
Breaking the conditioning: You unlearn the idea that exclusivity equals depth, discovering that commitment is about choice, not obligation. Society has long equated exclusivity with devotion, but what if true commitment is about showing up, regardless of how many people you love?
Redefining trust: When you no longer view love as something that can be "stolen," trust takes on a new meaning. Instead of fearing loss, you begin to focus on deepening emotional connection, communication, and shared experiences.
Letting go of transactional love: Many of us have been taught that love is transactional—if someone gives you their exclusivity, you give them yours. But love isn’t a currency to be traded; it’s an emotion to be nurtured.

This shift is liberating. Instead of measuring love by how much someone gives up for you, you start valuing it by how much they choose you—again and again—not because they have to, but because they truly want to.

Redefining Your Own Desires and Boundaries

Nothing will make you question what you truly want faster than stepping outside traditional relationship norms. The moment you allow yourself to think beyond societal expectations, you begin to uncover your authentic needs and desires.

What kind of connection are you seeking? Is it emotional, physical, intellectual, or all of the above? Some people crave deep emotional bonds with multiple partners, while others seek purely physical experiences without attachment. Identifying what truly fulfills you is the first step to building a relationship that aligns with your needs.
Where are your boundaries? What are your limits, and are they rooted in genuine preference or societal fear? Are you comfortable with your partner dating others but not engaging in deep emotional connections? Do you prefer parallel polyamory, where partners remain separate, or kitchen-table polyamory, where everyone interacts?
Are you truly monogamous? Many people discover they’ve been following monogamy by default, not choice. Sometimes, the realization hits after years of frustration, feeling unfulfilled but unable to pinpoint why. Exploring alternative relationship structures, even just mentally, can clarify whether monogamy is truly what you want or just what you've been conditioned to accept.
How do you handle attachment and independence? Some people thrive in relationships that allow for freedom, while others need consistent reassurance and closeness. Understanding where you fall on this spectrum helps you create relationship agreements that suit your emotional needs.
What fears arise when you think about non-monogamy? Does jealousy surface? Fear of being replaced? Or maybe a deeper worry about whether you’re truly enough? Addressing these fears openly allows you to work through them rather than letting them control your decisions.

Open relationships aren’t for everyone, but examining them forces you to make active choices about what you want rather than passively accepting societal norms. Whether you choose monogamy or polyamory, the key is to ensure it’s a choice you make for yourself, not one that was made for you by default.

Learning That Self-Worth Can’t Come From One Person

It’s easy to tie your self-worth to your partner’s attention. Many of us grow up believing that a romantic relationship should provide all the validation we need. But in an open relationship, you realize that no single person can, or should, be responsible for your sense of self-worth.

Your confidence grows: Instead of looking for constant reassurance from a partner, you start valuing your own inner worth. You learn that your desirability and value don’t diminish just because your partner also loves or is attracted to someone else.
Comparison fades: When love isn’t about exclusivity, you stop seeing other people as threats. Instead, you start recognizing your own unique strengths and gifts in relationships, appreciating the things that make you irreplaceable instead of focusing on competition.
You become emotionally independent: Your happiness isn’t dependent on one relationship, making you more resilient and self-sufficient. When you no longer rely on a single person to meet all your emotional needs, you create a support system that includes friends, family, and personal growth practices.
You redefine validation: Rather than needing constant affirmation from a partner, you begin to recognize and affirm your own worth. This shift allows you to enter relationships from a place of confidence rather than insecurity.
You embrace abundance over scarcity: Many people believe that love is a limited resource, that if a partner gives attention to someone else, there is less left for them. Open relationships challenge this belief, teaching you that love can be abundant, and your worth isn’t measured by exclusivity.

And here’s the kicker: even if you stay monogamous, this lesson will transform the way you approach all relationships in your life. When your self-worth comes from within, you show up in relationships with greater confidence, security, and authenticity, whether you have one partner or many.

The Greatest Relationship You’ll Ever Have Is with Yourself

Open relationships aren’t just about multiple partners. They’re about multiple truths—the ones you discover about yourself when you challenge the status quo.

You learn that love is abundant, not scarce. That honesty is a gift, not a threat. That self-worth comes from within, not from being someone’s “only one.” And whether you embrace ethical non-monogamy or not, these lessons will serve you in every relationship you ever have—including the one with yourself.